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11 October 2008 @ 04:50 pm
1... 2... 3... NOT IT!!

With as dismal as the world seem sometimes, it's nice to remember the ways your life doesn't suck. Now, list three things you've heard recently-- insults, descriptions, phrases -- that you're glad were not referencing you or do not apply to you.

1.) "with impacted bicuspids"
2.) "grossly unqualified"
3.) "asshole the size of a Mason jar"

I am so fucking sure.

Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
08 May 2008 @ 11:30 am
I was on the balcony, and I swear I heard a bird singing, "You're prett-tee, you're prett-tee!" I thought, Bird, you're crazy. Then it occurred to me, Dana, honey, you're talking to birds.
13 April 2008 @ 05:40 pm
On Friday, we saw the Royal Shakespeare Company's production of The Merchant of Venice. We had amazing fourth row seats, but I'm not sure there's a bad seat in the Courtyard Theatre. The production was so incredibly good. It was dramatic and humorous and just wonderful, with particularly lovely performances* by Shylock, Bassinio, and Portia.

Today, we went to Holy Trinity Church, where Shakespeare is buried. We've been there before, but today we went back with the camera. On our way back to the flat, who should we see outside of Carluccio's but Jack Laskey (Bassanio) and Georgina Rich (Portia). After a brief moment of starstruck indecision, we decided to go back to Carluccio's, get a drink for take-away, and say something to them. I said, "I'm so sorry to interrupt, but we saw you on stage Friday, and it was just wonderful." Chris also told them it was wonderful, and we both thanked them profusely for the performance. They were so gracious, and said that it was a nice interruption. It was great! We talked to Bassanio and Portia!! In retrospect, we kind of wish that we'd thought about the fact that we had the camera, but I refuse to let regret rain on my Shakespearean parade.

* Jessica was played by the same actress (Amara Karan) who played the train stewardess in the movie Darjeeling Limited.
23 March 2008 @ 08:53 pm
A.) I love Bath.

B.) (And more importantly) HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHRIS! <3<3<3
20 March 2008 @ 08:41 pm
One of the peculiar things about England is the commercials. Commercials either fall into the bizarre realm where it's not quite clear what's they're getting at (see chocolate ad with gorilla) or they're really serious (see commercial that makes it seem ok to hit kids, as long as it's at the speed limit).
29 July 2007 @ 06:48 pm
Old 97's song Question starts out with the following lyrics:

"She woke from a dream
Her head was on fire
Why was he so nervous?"

Poll #1029975 Question

Interpret the lyric --

She woke up panicked and sweating.
In her dream, her head was ablaze.
23 June 2007 @ 11:40 am
Articles (grammar) are really important. I heard about this story yesterday on the radio --

AUSTIN — Police backed off their initial descriptions of a mob beating a man to death after a child was hurt by the victim's car, saying today that they are looking for three or four suspects and that fewer than two dozen — not hundreds of — people witnessed the attack.

But I thought it was THE mob, not A mob. Very different.
10 April 2007 @ 05:14 pm
Yesterday, someone brought in Easter candy and set it in a basket on the edge of my desk, complete with an 8" chocolate bunny. The foil came off today, and the bunny is disappearing piece by piece. One of the pharmacists said with a Forest Gump accent, "Liiiife is like a choc-o-lit bun-nay..." and let the maxim trail off as he ate an ear.

After the day I've had, I couldn't help but try to complete the sentence with, "Empty inside and sooner or later someone is going to bite your head off?"
05 April 2007 @ 06:43 pm
Vodka commercial. Vodka commercial. And another vodka commercial.

The last commercial reminds me -- since I read about the resurrection* of the ERA, I've had part of "Sister Suffragette" from Mary Poppins stuck in my head. You know the line that goes, "Though we adore men in-divid-ually, we agree that as a group they're raaaather stoooo-pid." That part.

The abbreviation for a calcium gluconate injection is CALGLU1I. I think "Caligula" every time. Admixing that would be so wrong.

Happy Easter, kids!
Current Music: The Blow - Long List of Girls
24 March 2007 @ 01:13 pm
I was startled by a sound rustling the blinds. It was one of those little lizards that scurry all over Florida. Silly lizard, I thought You don't belong in our apartment. So I went about trying to trap the lizard in a little plastic container so I could set him free in the wilds of the bush outside. This went on for a few minutes. He scurried around the window, down the wall, and onto the floor. Then he scurried into the back of my computer! And he sure as heck doesn't belong in there.

A boyfriend, a disasembled case, and a can of air later, we finally got him out.
02 November 2006 @ 12:26 pm
Best part of the movie The Great New Wonderful:

Allison: [about her son] He's actually a great kid.
Mr. Peersall [played by Stephen Colbert]: He's actually a selfish, incorrigible monster, with a heart made out of shit and splinters.
22 September 2006 @ 12:00 pm
"Captain America gets hit on the head and forgets everything that happened to him since the end of WWII. He mistakenly believes it's still 1944 and drives down to the south to enforce resegregation."

"Alan Moore and Chester Brown team up to do a comic; they eventually release a two-page strip with 150 pages of annotations. Drawn & Quarterly sells out the initial print run of 75,000 copies in less than 24 hours."

From here.
20 September 2006 @ 12:42 pm
FRANKLY, I don't know how I have the energy to write this review. According to Fay Weldon, I should be exhausted, what with keeping my tortured inner soul submerged, shopping compulsively and struggling with feelings of guilt about friends, family, sex and food.

If you're female and reading this, chances are you're finding it difficult to concentrate because you're distracted by floors to wash/weight to lose/fridges to raid/friends to betray.

"'I feel helpless,' she says. 'Part of my body, my DNA, is stuck inside a person who's going to hell.' ... "Smith suffers nightmares of her former organ filtering 'strange Asian teas, pig blood and witch doctor brews in Africa,' she says. She wonders if the Lord really wanted her to donate the kidney, or if she acted on a 'triple-espresso high' she had that morning. She is also concerned that when her body is resurrected, it might be incomplete.

Nightmares about her former kidney filling up with strange Asian teas, huh? Well, as far as I know, green tea has never given anyone the impulsive high to donate an organ.
The woman in the cube behind me has been not-sneezing all day. I don't mean that she has been sneeze-free. No. She's obviously got some sort of allergy-cold-thing happening, which is causing her to sneeze, but she keeps stopping the sneeze. All day, it's hhhheh, hhheh, then a muffled tmmmmwp.

I couldn't help myself. I had to say something. These are the highlights:

SNEEZE, WOMAN! JUST SNEEZE! Why don't you just let it out? Why don't you just sneeze?! You know, the air in a sneeze comes out of your nose at 100-200 miles per hour. And you hold it in! You're going to give yourself nasal whiplash slamming on the sneeze-brakes like that! You're such a repressed sneezer. Just sneeze! It'll feel good. Your body wants you to sneeze. It's a natural reflex. There's nothing dirty or shameful about it. Why must you be so repressed? You're like the Mussolini of sneezes. Fascist sneeze dictator! Let the sneezes run freely, like wild horses on the plains of your face! In Hungary and Slovenia, a sneeze that occurs after making a statement is sometimes a sign FROM GOD that the statement was true. YOU'RE DENYING THE WILL OF GOD by not letting yourself sneeze. SNEEZE, WOMAN! SNEEZE!
04 August 2006 @ 02:54 pm
What's an "erection vessel"?

A co-worker had an ER chart with a man who had an erection vessel stuck on the head of his penis (thus eliminating the possibility that he means "cock ring") and now (well, at the time of the visit) his penis is (was) bleeding. I'm not really sure what that is. I'm picturing some sort of penis pump. A google search for "erection vessel" returns construction equipment, i.e. a vehicle used for erecting buildings, bridges, and the likes. I doubt he had a bulldozer stuck on the head of his penis.

What do you think?
11 June 2006 @ 12:49 am
Apparently, I was talking in my sleep last night... in Latin. And I was counting by fours up to 60, at which point I returned to babbling in Latin, then counted by fours from 60 to 140. I also did prime numbers. Repeatedly.
31 May 2006 @ 03:06 pm
"I kept imagining different ways we could just politely edge our ways out of the conversation -- wear a tee shirt, perhaps, that said on one side, YOU CAN KILL ME, and on the other BUT YOU CAN'T IMPRESS ME."
21 October 2004 @ 07:26 pm
No, I will not look away in order to make it more comfortable for you to beat your child in public.
05 November 1983 @ 12:00 am